What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 07:20
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Do you think Japan will have same-sex marriage by 2030?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Why did my bipolar girlfriend split up with me?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She wouldn,t have been !
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I said to her
Why are people of mixed race seen as more attractive than non-mixed-race people?
He knew the spot.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What is the most memorable thing that happened in your college days?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Why did i forgive my father ?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
What makes females believe or think abortions are part of a woman’s rights?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
What do dreams about dead people mean?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
It was going to be , some day.
What is the reason for The Acolyte (2024 series) having poor reception among Star Wars fans?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
What was the worst decision you ever did?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
So whats the point in blame.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But, we were locked up after school.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
(And it was in our own minds.)
All the time i was locked up.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My family never makes their pension either.
So, i spoilt her more .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
What did i know ?
But ive been too sick for many years..
One cannot live in the past .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Comes on , in middle age.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I think the readers, may guess!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Would this be the day?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We all went to grammer schools
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He resisted the act ,that day.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was very sick at this time too.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im still living with it.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I will be 64.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As i do to all so called friends.?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I never cut or harmed myself..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But it wasn’t much.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And i lived it daily.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I don,t even have a pension.
Who then, do I blame.?
I was scared of men, in general
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
When she asked me how she looked .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I have no regrets .
I waited trembling.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My life is so biszare .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Was to survive, this bastard.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was 9 years of age.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
This is soul school!.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Ive learnt so much.
She found it foreign!.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She married twice! .
Especially a lifetime of it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Put me off passion for life!!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She loved him until the end.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
We were not on the streets..
I was seconnd youngest,
I write beautiful poetry .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She was in good health!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.